Confessions of a City Slicker

I cleared out my closet to make room for the new clothes I bought last weekend. Boy, I can’t believe how much there was to get rid of. All of them were from my fat days. I was so F-A-T!

I had so many “janitor” clothes, as my friend calls them. You know, those big shapeless tops that reaches to my hips so that they will not reveal any unsightly bulges and I don’t have to suck it in all the time.

There were also a few dresses that have become too big for me already. I got rid of a few that look outdated but kept the LBDs. They’ll have to be altered by at least 8 inches off the waist to fit me again, but I love them and they never get outdated, so they’re worth having around.

Then there were the huge men size T-shirts. Baby tees were not an option in those days unless I want to look like a dumpling. One of those I tossed out was a freebie from an AIDS event in one of the clubs years ago, a red T-shirt with the words “Use Condoms” prominently printed in front.

Finally, guess what I dug out from under the piles of clothes but those size altering undergarments. I can’t believe how many types of girdle panties and corsets I actually bought. They were a pain to wear, especially the corsets because they always left me with very sore abs at the end of the day. I couldn’t even sit straight but had to half sit, half lie to get comfortable.

My closet looks really lose now. I call it being prepared to receive the new clothes that I’m going to buy to fill it up. *Hint, hint, galfrens. I’m available to go shopping if any of you want some company.*

What I really needed are pants. The skinny stretch pants that are in fashion nowadays are not exactly flattering for my figure. They highlight my elephant thighs while at the same time, make the rest of my legs look really bird-like.

Unfortunately, I can’t control where the fat comes off from. If given the choice, of course I want them to come off from the hips and thighs and redistributed to the “twins”

Friends and relatives are starting to think that I’m aneroxic. Hey, I know what I sound like. I’m not surprised that they think that way.

An aunt even asked me what I’m doing this for. At my age, I’m not exactly eligible to enter beauty contests and all that. I seem to be perfectly happy being a free wheel and don’t have any plans to get partnered up in the near future. So what’s the point?

Well, excuse me. Haven’t they heard of people doing something solely for themselves, without any purpose? I think looking good at any age, and feeling good about themselves is a right of all individuals. Just that a lot of people don’t realize it.

Besides, just because she has let herself go at her age, doesn’t mean that I have to :p

It didn’t matter that today was supposed to be a public holiday but my company doesn’t recognize it. I take comfort in knowing that not every company recognizes today as a public holiday and that some of my friends are working too, some far, far away from home.

It didn’t matter that in the whole row of offices this side of the building, only my office is opened. When you are working near a hypermarket and the restaurants downstairs are bustling with activities, it’s not that quiet.

It didn’t matter that I am a Lone Ranger in the office today because one colleague is out of action, the other one is working from home and the bosses are all travelling. I actually enjoyed the solitude and got some work done in spite of the longing to eat snake.

It didn’t matter that both the parents are not working and were enjoying an afternoon nap when I went home a while ago.

Nooooooooo, all that didn’t matter at all.

What did matter was that you chose today, this afternoon, to come pouring down. You just can’t help rubbing it in my face, can you? You just had to drive home the fact that while I could have been cosily snuck in bed in this pefect snooze weather, I’m busting my ass in the office.

You had two perfectly good days to show up. Two whole days where I could sleep in. Where were you????

I must have passed by this place countless times when I visit the craft & sewing materials shop in Rangoon Road. Can’t say that I’m surprised I missed it because other than the name, I can’t read what the rest of what its sign says because they are all in Chinese.

A big thank you to the good folks of Penang Tua Pui for korek-ing this place up.

Since my other tham chiak friend can’t make it with me, I dragged my parents there for lunch today. On the recommendation of the Tua Puis, here’s what we ordered:

From L to R: Steamed Fish with Hor Fun, Fish Head Bee Hoon with Hot & Sour Soup, Fish Head Bee Hoon with Clear Soup

Since none of us are big eaters, we stopped at that. I saw other side dishes ordered by the rest of the patrons like steamed vegetables with meat floss, sweet & sour pork, bitter gourd with egg and fried noodles.

The steamed fish with hor fun seemed to be unique to Penang because I’ve never seen other places offering it. It’s the usual steamed fish in soy sauce dish that you see in most restaurant but with hor fun added. You have to make sure that you mix the hor fun and fish well with the sauce because otherwise, there is not much flavor.

The bee hoon comes in a big clay pot, the size depends on the number of people ordering it. We were going to order a three person portion but since the lady taking our orders mentioned that the clear soup version is also available, I decided to order that one for myself and let the parents have the hot & sour version.

It turns out the hot & sour version was superior because the clear soup was rather bland with very little flavors if you take it without the help of soy sauce and pepper.

However, I do wonder why they call it fish head bee hoon when all the pieces of fish in there were fish fillet.

It was already full house when we arrived at near 1 pm. We were lucky to get a table because we were a small group. Other bigger groups had to stand at the entrance and wait. But, in spite of the big crowd, we didn’t have to wait long for our food.

Parking, however, is a different thing because there weren’t much space left. Either we have to park far away, park at the next road and walk to the place or dump the car illegally at the roadside. There is a parking lot in Lorong Selamat which is just next to Rangoon road and it is near an alley that you can use as a short cut to the place.

My advice will be to go there early to avoid waiting for a table. Just look out for the big yellow sign board on the left side of the road. It is just two or three shophouses away from the big coffee shop at the junction of Rangoon Road and Macalister Road.

I must make a visit there again to try out their other dishes.

Here’s my little Mee dozing on my lap. Making visits to my apartment for her nap has become a nightly activity. We can’t help inviting her in, not when she looks like this through the front door

Sometimes for added effect, she’ll place one paw against the glass door and that will be the end of our resolve. Our hearts will melt and in she comes.

Unlike most cats, though, she doesn’t like her belly rubbed. It’s strange, because I’ve seen a lot of cats with their eyes closed, heads thrown back in rapturous abandonment and purring like an engine as their bellies are rubbed. Not her, though.

As I write this, Mee is tumbling around with our floor mat and our rubber door stop, her toys when she visits.

She’ll tire out soon enough and find a place to sleep. Sometimes it’s the bed in our guestroom or one of our dining chairs. If she’s feeling especially affectionate, she’ll come meowing at me to put her on my lap as I watch TV.

Later tonight, when she has slept enough, I’ll take her downstairs for her nightly patrol with our security guards.

Wednesday: Beef Koay Teow
Thursday: Chicken Mushroom Soup & Sirloin Steak. Mmmm mmmm
Friday: Cajun Chicken with Mushroom Soup, Garlic Bread & Potato Wedges
Saturday: Chopper Board Soup & Satay Chicken Rice
Sunday: Flame Steamboat Buffet

Ladies & Gentlemen, it’s official. There is a new glutton in the neighborhood and her name is Sei Lou :p

I’ve learned a lot about marketing principles through writing all those salesletters. This was something I realized when talking to a way too pushy for her own good “Fei Yeh” at Celebrity Fitness last weekend.

Fei Yeh was trying her darndest to get me to sign up as a member, even having one of the personal instructors to get their boss to give me one month worth of personal training.

Unfortunately while doing her annoying best to get me to join, she failed to notice some of the biggest marketing mistakes that renowned copywriters the world over touch on at the beginning of all their courses.

First off, she kept on harping about the benefits that she had gotten since joining CF. This is a good thing. When writing sales copies, we always want to stress on the benefits. However, benefits must always be supported with proof. Without proof, a marketer has no credibility.

All Fei Yeh talked about was how much using the facilities there had helped her tone up and shape her figure. That immediately destroyed any shred of credibility that she has because she’s as big as a barrel!

One of the benefits that Fei Yeh emphasized on is the availability of equipment and personal training. Well, I have those benefits as well in my current gym, but you don’t see me using them. What makes her think I’ll use them if I decide to join there?

Here’s where she went wrong - she doesn’t know her market. We always want to find a market first then find a product to sell to that market. This requires a marketer to do his homework and get to know his market, listen to it and find out what it wants.

Obviously my telling Fei Yeh about my lack of interest in the personal training programs and gym equipment is useless. The point is, she’s trying to sell me something that I didn’t want.

It doesn’t matter that she has the best product in the world. If her market, ie me, doesn’t want it, it’s not going to do her any good.

Next, we always want to try as much as possible to remove all risks for a prospect so that they can sign up with us with peace of mind. Fei Yeh was very reluctant to give me a straight answer when I asked her for the bottomline on what I would be paying should I decide to join CF. In fact, she talked about so many different packages that I got confused.

I told her that the best deal for me would be something that I can pay a fixed price for each month and come in any time I want. Again, she went on and on about the benefits and told me not to worry about the money issue because the benefits that I will get far outweigh whatever amount I will be paying.

Hello?!?!

There are top marketers who give a full year’s money back guarantee on their products just so that their prospects feel secure buying from them.

And here’s Fei Yeh telling me to just hand over my money to them, regardless of the amount that they ask for.

Having too many packages is also a no no. You always want to keep in mind your aim and that is to get your prospect to sign up using whatever marketing model that you may have.

You NEVER want to present your prospects with more than one choice because it distracts them from taking your call to action. You can always upsell them something after they have decided to buy your initial product, but never present them with more than one thing before they even decide to buy from you.

A common gimmick that marketers often use is a limited quantity type of offer. This can be limited in quantity or time sensitive offers that play on a prospect’s tendency for impulse buying.

Fei Yeh played it well but then, in these cases, if a prospect doesn’t want to buy, he doesn’t want to buy. End of story. It could be because the copy doesn’t push at a prospect’s hot button or the gimmick is not applicable to the market. In this case, it’s the latter.

I find that whenever I go to enquire at gyms, beauty salons or even spas, they always seem to be having one type of “promotion” or other. So these days, “promotions” are over rated.

Lastly, before we were allowed to go and attend our Pole Dance class, we had to surrender our ICs to them. When I went to collect mine later on, Fei Yeh was very reluctant to give it back to me without me agreeing to sign up.

Now this, I don’t need a marketing course to tell me that this is similar to a hostage situation. Haven’t we all seen enough of cases like these in the newspapers when people are forced to buy something expensive that they don’t want to from certain establishments because the people in the establishments refused to let them leave or are holding something of value to them until they agree to buy?

Top marketers always stress that if a prospect doesn’t buy the first time, at least get their contact details so that you can follow up with them later on.

Follow up requires a delicate touch. Too often and you sound pushy and could be reported for spamming. Too little and prospects tend to forget about you.

This is something that Fei Yeh seriously needs to learn.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’ve got nothing against CF. I’ve seen with my own eyes how many friends have benefited from its programs.

I just can’t stand pushy people :p

Penang Island finally has a place that offers pole dancing classes.

Celebrity Fitness launched the new classes last Saturday. A galfriend signed me up for the preview. Too bad she couldn’t join us because she was down with a fever. It’s OK, babe. Take heart that the classes will be a permanent fixture at your gym while the rest of us will have to wait for it to become popular enough for the other gyms to start offering it as well. Boo hoo

The classes will be conducted by the good folks from Viva Vertical. They have been looking for a place to conduct classes here for some time now, as far as I know.

I really enjoyed my time with the pole. It’s so cool that they are portable and need no installation so no time will be wasted before classes start.

The choreography was sassy and cheeky at the same time. I didn’t enjoy the part where we had to drop to the floor, though. It didn’t agree with my knees and I have the bruises to show for it. But when we got to the pole, it was so much fun!

Lola, the girl teaching the class, who also happens to be the head instructor for Viva Vertical, I think, because she is the one sending out their newsletters, made it look so easy. She made pirouetting around the pole look so effortless. Actually, she looked like she was floating. When it was my turn, it felt like I was moving at 100 km/h velocity Everything was happening so fast!

Well, let’s hope that this catches on soon. Meanwhile, I just have to be patient. I’m not about to switch gyms because of one class.