Confessions of a City Slicker

I have known him since I was a kid. He’s my cousin, a very funny and lovable guy.

I always thought his hands are more at home carressing his many cameras, his eyes always looking for the next bird or flower or scenery for the subject of his photograph than babes.

Last night, the playful little imp in me decided to do a little teasing on him.

He had been begging to photograph me in my cheongsam since I walked into the family dinner, so I insisted I’ll only let him do that if he takes the picture with me and later on, join me to party the night away.

Getting the photographer to pose for a picture is hard work.  He was so stiff and insisted of keeping his hands in front of him ala the wall in football matches.  That, despite my other cousin who is taking this picture asking him to stand closer to me.

His mom, my aunt, was a real sport throughout the whole thing, laughing the whole time.

Dude, you sure know how to make a girl feel special.

Next time we meet, I won’t call you "Kor Kor" any more.  From now on, it’ll be just plain ol’ Uncle :p

CNY wouldn’t be CNY without the merciless hot sun burning down.  The kind of heat that makes you just wanna shut yourself at home with the AC on all day.  The heat bites at your flesh and makes it real hard to keep your eyes open because of the harsh glare.

Will it ever rain again?

Yet, early morning finds families in all their fineries travelling all over the place visiting relatives.  As we passed a temple in town yesterday, it was packed with people all performing their prayers for a good year ahead.

I start to sweat thinking about that.

Of course, red is the color of the day.  Not for me, though.  Wearing red just makes me feel hot, therefore, I normally avoid the color like a plague when shopping for CNY clothes.

Speaking of shopping, glad I managed to close my shopping just at the last possible minute.

I thought that I had bought everything for CNY when Mom asked, "So what are you going to wear when you start work again?"

Which made me realize that I had bought a new pair of pants, but no top to wear with it.  It’s a good thing boss gave us half the day off.  So after a quick stop back home for my lunch Herbalife, I’m off to Prangin Mall in search for that illusive top that is professional looking, yet comfortable enough for this hot weather.  Found it in the second shop I visited.

So, Gong Xi Fa Cai, folks.  May the God of Fortune visit you good people and bless you with abundance.

CNY wouldn’t be CNY without the merciless hot sun burning down.  The kind of heat that makes you just wanna shut yourself at home with the AC on all day.  The heat bites at your flesh and makes it real hard to keep your eyes open because of the harsh glare.

Will it ever rain again?

Yet, early morning finds families in all their fineries travelling all over the place visiting relatives.  As we passed a temple in town yesterday, it was packed with people all performing their prayers for a good year ahead.

I start to sweat thinking about that.

Of course, red is the color of the day.  Not for me, though.  Wearing red just makes me feel hot, therefore, I normally avoid the color like a plague when shopping for CNY clothes.

Speaking of shopping, glad I managed to close my shopping just at the last possible minute.

I thought that I had bought everything for CNY when Mom asked, "So what are you going to wear when you start work again?"

Which made me realize that I had bought a new pair of pants, but no top to wear with it.  It’s a good thing boss gave us half the day off.  So after a quick stop back home for my lunch Herbalife, I’m off to Prangin Mall in search for that illusive top that is professional looking, yet comfortable enough for this hot weather.  Found it in the second shop I visited.

So, Gong Xi Fa Cai, folks.  May the God of Fortune visit you good people and bless you with abundance.

Oh they’re everywhere!  Every corner I turn, every home I visit, right there in my kitchen area….

All calling out to me asking me to wrap my trembling fingers around them and stuff them them down my throat.

Fam’s pineapple tarts, so soft and fragrant, even the ones that an uncle brought back from Singapore pale in comparison.

Her peanut biscuits, as usual, moist and melt in your mouth.

5 packets of Ngan Yin groundnuts still in the storeroom that I can easily finish in 1 sitting of movie on TV.

The big pot of steamboat filled with all my fave balls.

My must have during CNY - pigs trotters soup - that I am rationing at 1 small bowl a day so I don’t overeat.

No!  No!  And NO!

I WILL NOT succumb to these callings!

OK, maybe just a few pieces of cookies, after all, this is CNY, but that’s it.

I made the decision to become thin, therefore nothing else will do but that.

WARNING: The following is from a bitching session.  If you are one of those minions blindly loyal to certain individuals, I highly encourage to read on.  Hopefully this will give you a much deserved wake up call.

Foul language and cussing abound.  Not for those of delicate disposition.

In all my years in the rat race, I have never come across a finer specimen of stooges sitting in management positions than from my ex-job.

Frankly speaking, I’m surprised that the company lasted this long.  But with conditions being what they are, I’m not surprised that for the past few months, I have been invited to at least 1 farewell dinner per month.

After much "discussion" we came to the following conclusions of what went wrong.

The salted fish.  The company may not be performing well, but at least it was a happy place to work in until this Cheap Farking Oldman came along.

• Results mean nothing to him.  Attendance, on the other hand, means everything.  Apparently, the highest achiever is not someone who delivers results, but the one with the best attendance record.
• He is a drone who only follows orders blindly from the Tan See (that’s waiting to die in Hokkien).  He can’t think for himself or discern whether Tan See is right or wrong.  In his eyes, Tan See is always right.  Can’t blame him, I guess.  When this company goes down, he still needs to crawl back to the undergarment factory which belongs to Tan See to work.
• He is an accomplished magician, though.  Don’t believe me?  Watch his balls shrivel up and disappear before your very eyes when asked to help with things like debt collection or attending meetings with customers.  Better yet, watch him conjure up excuses out of thin air just avoid attending these meetings.
• Customer Services is a dumping ground where any employee who is ready to be disposed of is placed.
• Sales & Marketing personnel also doubles as Amahs to clear out newspapers from the storeroom.
• Can’t find better use for the company’s letterhead than to issue warning letters.

The Market Man.  Yup, the man with a penchant of opening his pasar malam any where and any time he wishes.

• His universe is so small that it only revolves around the handful of "experts" whom he calls upon time and again for help in projects. 
• It’s also why the technology never got upgraded.
• Doesn’t know how to allocate resources.  Departments that don’t generate revenue and don’t require additional resources have more than they need while revenue generating departments with a serious need of additional resources are stretched beyond capacity.
• Start new projects on impulse rather than after careful study.  More keen on risky, grandiose projects than the ones that offer more long term prospects.

Tan See.  With a name like that, it’s no wonder the company is waiting to die too.

• The company has no direction.  Well, the leader leaves it to Ah Q to run the show rather than take an interest in his own investment.  What do you expect?  Ah Q seems to have her mouth surgically fused to his @$$ so she takes any shit he craps out.
• Again, totally blind to people who consistently deliver results in the company.  Instead, relish having his butt kissed by phor-fessionals who only deliver results once a year.
• Has no entrepreneurial skills to run a company.  More suitable to head a triad gang than a professional leader of a successful company.  The Donald he ain’t.
• In fact, he should be running a triad gang with his knack for making the people he doesn’t like "disappear".  I don’t know what he did but the body count is high.  The only consolation is that these people are now in a better place.

Ladies, did I miss anything?

It has been a month now since I started my Herbalife diet.

The biggest reduction so far has been on the hips area at 4 cm so far.  This is largely due to the amount of meetings I’ve had with Indah Water.

Weight loss so far - 1 kg.

I am starting to see changes in my figure.  I had a dress altered today and the tailor had to take in 2 inches!  When I first bought that dress a few years back it was just fitting.

There is hope yet to be able to look good in my belly dance costume.

The coming CNY will be a test of my will power, with all the feasting opportunity that are sure to surface.  I must ensure that I exercise absolute retraint.

I must keep to my commitment.