Confessions of a City Slicker

Well, folks, it’s that time of the year again to search for the next American Idol.  Amongst the bunch of hopeful talents, there is always a bunch of hopeful no talents who in spite of everything, still hang on to that non-existence chance of going to Hollywood.

This year’s Idol search began in Philly.  Here are some of the more memorable characters spotted tonight.

The Star Wars Fan

Actually there were 2 of them.

First is this real hairy ape of a guy dressed in a Princess Lea iron bikini.  Oh God!  How I wished I hadn’t just eaten then.

Physically, he was more Jabba the Hut than Princess Lea.  And don’t even get me started on the body hair.  On Paula’s suggestion, because the cleavage of the iron bikini was framing his chest hair like a centerpiece, he actually went and got his chest and I guess some of his butt and cellulite ladden thighs waxed before coming back for a 2nd round of audition!  LOL :))))))))

Needless to say he won’t be seeing that stage in Hollywood this year.

But I must compliment whoever did the wax job for him.  Totally clean!  I’m impressed.  He better had tipped whoever it was generously because believe me, that job would have lasted a few hours, at least.

Second is the Princess Lea wannabe who came complete with the cinnamon bun hairstyle, biker chick boots and fishnet stockings.  The hair is fake.

She didn’t make it either and cried her eyes out, remarking that she didn’t make it because she didn’t dress like those typical superficial girls that came out with the golden ticket.

Which brings me to the next category.

The Aneroxic Chics

Saw several of them.  Girls so thin, their arms look like twigs.

Don’t they know that the aneroxic look went out of fashion together with Ally McBeal?

The Female Sasquash

OK, maybe I’m just being mean here but that was the first thought that came to my head when I saw her.

A blonde, obesed 16 year old African American girl that goes by the name Temptress who came for the audition with her even more obesed Mom.

Mom is wheelchair bound and hooked to an oxigen tank because of her weight.

Ms Motor Mouth

This girls sure talks a lot.  If only she can sing just as well.  She loves glitter and was very generous with it on her face with her silver eyeshadow, glitter dust on her forehead and cheeks and fuchia lipstick.  Ugh!  Loves the word "Victorious" and now, since she didn’t make it on AI, she’s gonna venture into acting.

God help us all!

Well, if she doesn’t make it in acting, she can always try speech writing.  What she said may be over the top, but with a little polishing, she could do very well for herself writing speeches for politicians.

That is, if she can learn to take constructive criticism…

The Psycho Stalker

This guy wrote his own song dedicated to Paula.  Looks intently at Paula as he sang it and wouldn’t stop advancing towards the table. They had to call security to throw him out.

His song was about (what else?!) stalking Paula and has really creepy lyrics like how he’d like to break into her house when she’s not home and wear her underwear!

Creepy weirdo.  I predict in the future he’d actually be arrested for breaking into Paula’s house and trying on her underwear amidst sensational publicity from the paparazzi or is that just my imagination running wild?

No Sex Allowed!

Here’s another song writer wannabe.  He’s over the qualifying age but still insisted on them letting him sing his silly little ditty about no sex allowed.

Guess there will always be people who will do anything for that 5 seconds of fame, no matter how stupid it makes them look.