Confessions of a City Slicker

I have known her since we were 7 years old.  She had been my by my side through the many trials in my life.

Heck, she introduced me to the clubbing scene.  We would hit every club there is along the Batu Ferringhi seafront together every weekend.

She was there during my baptism, when I officially embraced Jesus.

I couldn’t have handled my breast cancer scare without her helping me through it.

When Baby died I was a wreck, crying my eyes out for months but she would call me every other day trying to cheer me up and even offering to find me a new puppy.  "Ramblings of a simple minded fool", that’s what I thought at the time.

Yes, that’s who she is.  She’s somewhat simple minded but her heart is in the right place.

I had been neglecting her these past few years.  I can’t even remember when was the last time we talked.  It’s not because I was too busy with my life, I just gave up on her, plain and simple.

While I did fairly well for myself, she had been drifting from job to job over the years, never successfully holding down one for very long.

I think I must have nagged her until I’m blue in the face every time she got fired yet again, but she never changed.  In the end, I gave up because I was starting to feel like the parent in this relationship.

Then just a few days ago I received news that her mother had passed away and when I learned of the circumstances leading up to it, I realized what kind of life she must have had.

When you live with a relative who is unwell, taking care of them 24/7, it either makes you stronger or it takes all the fight out of you.  For her, it seems to be the latter.

I realized that I had been judging her based on my own standards when I should have seen things from her point of view.  Isn’t this the same thing that I had been fighting with my parents about all these years?  They wanted me to get a job that will bring in the money and I just wanted a job I am happy in.  Unconsciously I had been forcing my parents’ point of view on her.

I wanted things for her that I believe she should have, not the things she wanted to have.

I’m sorry for condemning her every time she lost her job when I should be more supportive and encourage her to do better in her next one.

I’m sorry for being such a judgemental friend when she obviously really needed someone to talk to.

I’m sorry for trying to turn her into someone whom I think she should be and not someone she wants to be.

I’m sorry for abandoning her as soon as I found another group of more happening friends.

When I saw her at her mother’s wake, it was like these past few years of being out of touch never happened.  She was happy to see me and we talked like it was old times.

I promise!  I’m going to be more supportive of her from now on.  I’m not going to frown with disapproval when she loses another job.  I’m not going to roll my eyes when she says something that to me is nonsensical.

Most of all, I’m going to let her live her life the way she is happy with and not force my views on her.

I have known her since we were 7 years old.  She had been my by my side through the many trials in my life.

Heck, she introduced me to the clubbing scene.  We would hit every club there is along the Batu Ferringhi seafront together every weekend.

She was there during my baptism, when I officially embraced Jesus.

I couldn’t have handled my breast cancer scare without her helping me through it.

When Baby died I was a wreck, crying my eyes out for months but she would call me every other day trying to cheer me up and even offering to find me a new puppy.  "Ramblings of a simple minded fool", that’s what I thought at the time.

Yes, that’s who she is.  She’s somewhat simple minded but her heart is in the right place.

I had been neglecting her these past few years.  I can’t even remember when was the last time we talked.  It’s not because I was too busy with my life, I just gave up on her, plain and simple.

While I did fairly well for myself, she had been drifting from job to job over the years, never successfully holding down one for very long.

I think I must have nagged her until I’m blue in the face every time she got fired yet again, but she never changed.  In the end, I gave up because I was starting to feel like the parent in this relationship.

Then just a few days ago I received news that her mother had passed away and when I learned of the circumstances leading up to it, I realized what kind of life she must have had.

When you live with a relative who is unwell, taking care of them 24/7, it either makes you stronger or it takes all the fight out of you.  For her, it seems to be the latter.

I realized that I had been judging her based on my own standards when I should have seen things from her point of view.  Isn’t this the same thing that I had been fighting with my parents about all these years?  They wanted me to get a job that will bring in the money and I just wanted a job I am happy in.  Unconsciously I had been forcing my parents’ point of view on her.

I wanted things for her that I believe she should have, not the things she wanted to have.

I’m sorry for condemning her every time she lost her job when I should be more supportive and encourage her to do better in her next one.

I’m sorry for being such a judgemental friend when she obviously really needed someone to talk to.

I’m sorry for trying to turn her into someone whom I think she should be and not someone she wants to be.

I’m sorry for abandoning her as soon as I found another group of more happening friends.

When I saw her at her mother’s wake, it was like these past few years of being out of touch never happened.  She was happy to see me and we talked like it was old times.

I promise!  I’m going to be more supportive of her from now on.  I’m not going to frown with disapproval when she loses another job.  I’m not going to roll my eyes when she says something that to me is nonsensical.

Most of all, I’m going to let her live her life the way she is happy with and not force my views on her.